He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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