The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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