Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
