Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
