I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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