Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Randomize
