Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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