Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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