I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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