We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
