I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
