Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
