I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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