he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
