You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
