The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
