Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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