Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
