I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
