Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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