I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
