I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
