i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
