can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
