I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
