after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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