the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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