Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
