I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Randomize
