So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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