Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize