So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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