I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
