Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
