I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
