I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You pole danced in your parka.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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