are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
