We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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