He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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