He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize