Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
