well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
