Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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