I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
