So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If I die, sorry about rent.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
