Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
