Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
