no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
