ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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