So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm passing your future prison.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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