so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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