dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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