I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
