I am spending my child support on dildos
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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