SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
