All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
