I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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