So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
