Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
