"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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