Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
