So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He better not be in your backpack
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
