The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
