I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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