Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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