I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
