so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
