did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
