sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
