So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
