We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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