I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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