We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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