yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
