we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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