Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Such a big mess for such a small penis
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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