her vagina looked like bernie madoff
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
