My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
