I'm jealous of your bromance
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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