I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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