Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize