after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
