saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
