Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
