It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
