the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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