do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
