Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
