lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
