WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
