did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
