guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize