I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
sarcasm needs its own font
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
