Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
